Here is the final essay: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Rn0oOlGHK7P3HXKfdTL9Ns3cIcf_qXcSbi4d87wommY/edit
But before all that the narrative was a mess. I was confident when I walked into class with 4 prints of my essay but as soon as it was read aloud to me I realized all the mistakes. Not only were there grammar mistakes but it was lacking details and the characters were not clear. I mentioned my brother Howard in my essay several times. In the first draft I referred to him as the loser. My friend Katrya, who I have known since middle school, also did not notice that I did not explicitly introduce Howard because she was already accustomed to me referring to him in that manner. If Linh and Kelton (others in my revision group) did not bring ask me to explain who “the loser” was then my brother would have never been explained.
Usually teachers only require two revision processes for an essay and in reality, the essay never really gets revised. But in these revision groups all my essays drastically change. After every revision I can physically see my essay change. I am immensely proud of my final essay!
One of the earlier drafts: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1x8S0PMXQWVDGRz_NMANV4SzPl6HaUtJ_cq9Bp3iZsBU/edit?usp=sharing
You can see the difference in the essays! I add much more detail in the end and I am just happy with my essay!